The coming out of a closeted Christian

For a long time I’ve toyed with the idea of drawing rather realistic similarities between Christians in the 21st Century and homosexuals in the 21st Century (but latter is quickly changing). In the simplest explanation, I think most people hide their sexual orientation because of fear of how they might be received by society. I suppose even today, where the world is supposedly becoming more tolerant (and ironically, it’s becoming increasing intolerant of Christian activities, I hate these double-standards that keep popping up), people still have a hard time when they are about to drop the bomb on others. You see, in my opinion, Christians aren’t much different from homosexuals; I wouldn’t tell someone about my faith for the very same reason that someone wouldn’t reveal their sexuality: fear of judgement. The only difference I can see, is that Christians always seem to be held to a different set of standards. Apparently, it’s fine for everyone else to express their beliefs, but when we present our beliefs that stemmed from living, breathing, Word that was here 2000 before the law was set, we are immediately shut down because it’s “politically incorrect”. Are you freaking kidding me? So you see, Christians and homosexuals are pretty much in the same boat, I say we just look at each other as human beings and talk about the gazillion other ways we’ve messed up deeply as mankind.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a leaping transition into what this post is really about. Recently, I picked up Francis Chan’s Forgotten God from a friend (I know, I’m a little behind). Having read/heard/watched Francis Chan’s other stuff, I would say he is very theologically sound; this guy knows what he’s talking about. So I highly appreciate him calling all of us Christians out on our view(s) on the Holy Spirit. I know I do tend to lean toward one end of the spectrum (for those who haven’t read the book, this part might be vague since I’m not going to go into details). It’s not so much that I don’t believe in the working of the Holy Spirit; I can say I have experienced it personally and there’s no other feelings like it. It’s the way he calls out our fears that’s led me to type this. Yes, I do believe my current fears are limiting me to fully immersing in the Holy Spirit, so I’m calling myself out on this.

Throughout this past summer, I’ve come to realize and been affirmed every where I look, that things happen when you relinquish full control of yourself and allow the Holy Spirit to fill in whatever is left of you. It’s so empowering to read about all the amazing things that used to happen when the Holy Spirit was working everywhere. But the more I read, the more I realize how much faith it actually took, to be able to reach that stage. Francis Chan encourages his reader in the book to reflect on the fears you have regarding the Holy Spirit, so that’s what this is about. Admitting that the depth of my own faith is not in my own control is a very scary thought (I guess it just points back to how everything, literally everything, comes from God alone). The fear I have about the Holy Spirit is just that I will never be able to feel the full release of the Holy Spirit until my faith is at a point of complete surrender. Whether that’s true or not is something I’m still exploring. I’m actually pretty scared of how much I’m going to have to deny myself in order for God to work through me. This is why that leap off the rock into the Hudson was so important and symbolic for me. It was liberating; one of the best things I’ve ever done. It scared the crap out of me, but I jumped in without a second thought (or rather, before that second thought kicked in). I want to be able to do that with my faith also, but from the way things are looking, I’m still atop the rock measuring how far the drop is. My biggest fear about the Holy Spirit is just how much and how quickly God is going to change me, but I suppose now is as good a time as any to jump. I’d rather be fearful and dive into this head-first than to wait for my second thoughts to kick in and hold me back forever.

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