Change

I think I’ve always pitied myself because I made it look like people leave me alone by myself to do things on my own. I suppose to a certain extent that is true, but I am now starting to realize that perhaps the fact isn’t that others left me first. I am someone who is willing to go off on my own, with or without company, when it comes to doing something that I actually wanted. Case and point, that day when everyone decided to go to Luke’s instead of going over to Townsend Seekers, I still went (against people’s expectation). In my mind, I have no problem leaving my friends behind because it was something that I had wanted to accomplish anyways, it didn’t matter who went with me. But now, looking it from the point of view of my friends, I had just so eagerly abandoned them. Who knows if they were actually really excited and wanted to do things with me? I was wrong to always assume that by doing things on my own, my actions don’t affect anyone.

So instead, here I am wondering yet again WHY I find myself juggling all this work that’s still yet to be finished by myself. I think I can safely say that as much as I like to say that I have changed from who I was four years ago, I really haven’t. I still prefer solitude, I still wander off on my own sometimes, I still feel like unmistakable cringe in the heart whenever I see someone leave me, whether they know it or not.

Have I really changed that much? Or at all? What have I been doing all this time?

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One thought on “Change

  1. It isn’t a bad thing that you are very adventurous and independent. If it is something YOU want to do, you would get it done right? And if you think of it this way, if it was something your friends wanted to do, they would get it done too. So in the end, you got to do what you wanted to do and they got to do what they wanted to do. It is either that or having one group doing what they want to do and the other unsatisfied. Everything affects everyone. Don’t think of it as MY ACTIONS because it is not only your actions but everyone else’s as well. It is not like you wanted to leave your friends. They DECIDED to do something else which in effect gave you a choice between the two.
    Okay so I got to go to the city now so try not to think so much about whether you changed or not.
    Uh… Luke 6:37.
    And what have you been doing all this time? Well what God intended for you to do.

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