I think I’ve always pitied myself because I made it look like people leave me alone by myself to do things on my own. I suppose to a certain extent that is true, but I am now starting to realize that perhaps the fact isn’t that others left me first. I am someone who is willing to go off on my own, with or without company, when it comes to doing something that I actually wanted. Case and point, that day when everyone decided to go to Luke’s instead of going over to Townsend Seekers, I still went (against people’s expectation). In my mind, I have no problem leaving my friends behind because it was something that I had wanted to accomplish anyways, it didn’t matter who went with me. But now, looking it from the point of view of my friends, I had just so eagerly abandoned them. Who knows if they were actually really excited and wanted to do things with me? I was wrong to always assume that by doing things on my own, my actions don’t affect anyone.
So instead, here I am wondering yet again WHY I find myself juggling all this work that’s still yet to be finished by myself. I think I can safely say that as much as I like to say that I have changed from who I was four years ago, I really haven’t. I still prefer solitude, I still wander off on my own sometimes, I still feel like unmistakable cringe in the heart whenever I see someone leave me, whether they know it or not.
Have I really changed that much? Or at all? What have I been doing all this time?