Four months ago I hopped on a plane heading for the west coast, back to the city I was born in but have so little memory of. For the better part of the last four years of college, I’ve lived in seasons: always moving from place to place, nothing was permanent and everything was temporary. I’ve learned invaluable lessons along the way, and I treated this season just the same. I’ve often summed up the entirety of my growth and experience in college with a story about how during the first month I went on a white water rafting trip with Lifelines (Cru’s Outdoors Adventure Fellowship) and was coerced into jumping off a 10-foot rock into the river. It is still to date the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I had no confidence even though there was a life vest strapped to me. However, it taught me that a life of faith requires no certainty nor guarantee in anything other than the God you put your faith in. Over the next 4 years through various experiences, I have never been more convinced of the authority, omnipotence, and sovereignty of God and the will He created through Christ. Since that pathetic little leap off the rock, I have also fully embraced the idea and thrill of going into something completely without a clue of what I’m doing (granted, not irresponsibly, but I quickly realized that despite my poor choices, that God is still working His will, i.e. back to His sovereignty).
I will admit that it took me way longer than I would have liked to begin enjoying living in LA. And in a weird twist of events, living here has actually somehow helped me appreciate the metropolitan city I love to hate so much, the place where my family has been for the last decade plus, but a place I have been so eager to leave behind. Tomorrow I board a plane again, this time the stay will be a little more permanent, then in another 2 weeks, I will be closing down this chapter of living in seasons. Time has shown me who my closest friends are, what my biggest weaknesses are, but also how incredibly intentional every step of my life has been. Choosing to go back on my words to my parents a few years ago that my summer studying abroad in Korea will be “worth it in the long run cause I’m graduating early and thus save money” (totally not true. The fact that I chose to come out to LA my final semester makes this the most expensive semester to date, all this on the verge of, UNEMPLOYMENT, YAY!) could possibly be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in regards to my family’s financial capability. Let’s not mention the fact that 4 years before that, I selfishly chose to pursue the entertainment industry, knowing and having absolutely nothing other than big dreams to be squashed. Yet all I have ever been able to think about the last few weeks is just how much Yahweh has provided for me.
Though I’m choosing to move home after graduation, I do hope and pray that someday I will get to call this beautiful coast my home again; that someday I will be able to attend Grace Community Church under the weekly teaching of John MacArthur as a member of Grace; and that someday I will be able to find a good group of people to work with to produce compelling stories with.
“Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
-Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close