(6th) Day of Summer

Slightly concerned.

Mama hasn’t been feeling well lately, and although I’m sure things will just pass, what the future has in store may be something I am not prepared for. I know I’m supposed to help out with stuff around the house, but sometimes I’m just so tired and Mama gets to it before I do. She used to ask us what we would do if one day she just crashed and can’t work anymore, and although I understood what she was getting at, I never felt completely motivated enough to help ease her burden in the long run. Sometimes I feel like I take what Mama does for us for granted, it’s true that she can be a little sloppy and careless sometimes, but I really felt the difference during the days that she was away. I have always wondered where she gets her energy to balance her career, being a mother, being a wife, and being a pastor’s wife.

I worry about Dad too. On the days of combined Sunday services, I always end up noticing how skinny Dad looks. There’s an uncanny resemblance to Gramps in the way I see him, so much so that it almost scares me. Gramps was perhaps the most caring and loving person I knew in my life, and seeing him go this February was not an easy thing. But Gramps was sometimes stubborn and physically fragile; Dad is like that too. I watched him turn into the lightest person in the family, and I watched him become restless and tired easily. Every combined Sunday, I always find myself whispering to Jeff, “Dad looks so skinny”. He doesn’t play sports with us as much anymore, and he’s slowed down in a lot of the things that he does. Yet his love and care for us and his church have never died. When we stay out late and it feels like we don’t “care” about our family, and when the church is unresponsive, Dad kept pouring out his resources for us.

I guess I haven’t been praying for them as much as I should have either. This is perhaps another way that God is forcing me to relinquish control over my life, because this is one part of my life that I cannot control. God, I know that sometimes you have to pry to get things out of my hands. But I will trust you with my parents, and although I am scared for the future and I am not the most helpful daughter, I know that You have everything under control.

“You cry yourself to sleep while you bury your emotions inside

And earthed yourself too deep and a part of you is starting to die…

…So you try to save yourself

could you rescue somebody else?

Hold tight, it’ll be alright

Reach for the light at the end of the dark

Hope is alive…

TBT//Reach for the Light

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2 thoughts on “(6th) Day of Summer

  1. hey sam,
    As a fellow PK I can say that I sympathize with your feelings. God gave us a gift of love and sympathy and it’s hard to see our parents love so unconditionally but get weaker physically. I remember I saw my dad once cough on the podium and he was trying so hard to cough and give a sermon and that made me want to cry. I think the only thing we really can do is pray for them and take care of their physical health just like how they took care of us when we were little (:

  2. Don’t be concerned! Like what the sticker says that Sunny gave to me today, WARNING
    RELAX: GOD’S IN CHARGE.
    I also often worry about how my Dad is doing. I would admire how he is able put God and the church ahead of everything in his life. Every dinner our family has together I would pray and I would usually pray the same thing everyday and my parents would be like “You should just make a recording”. We would all laugh but if I had one wish it would probably be that. I would always say “I pray that you will continue to protect our family”. I would say this every time probably because I fear what would happen THAT day comes.
    “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
    -2 Timothy 1:6-7
    “I know that You have everything under control.” -Sam Yu
    Everyone needs to have this mindset and know that when THAT day comes, we will stay strong, keep loving God, and have control over our emotions. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger and know that we will see them again standing beside our Father.

    Break my heart from what breaks yours
    Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
    As I go from nothing to
    Eternity

    Hillsong United//Hosanna

    May Your love become my every thought
    I wanna know the sound of Your heart
    I wanna live for You now

    Hillsong United//Perfect Love

    Long comment but yea…

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