I just got home from Angelica’s pool party, although it really wasn’t much of a “party”, it was more like bumming. Angelica’s house is so flippin’ awesome! If we were older and I had a car, I would find a reason to crash her place every other day. I left early at the disappointment of everyone else cause I have work bright and early at 8 tomorrow! Despite what the post may read, it’s actually 9:48PM right now. Tonight was the last time I’ll see Tina before she leaves. In a way, I am really excited and anxious for the future. Even though a working summer is definitely different from a non-working summer, this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I’m really enjoying the night/late-evening outings, and I think I’m starting to enjoy being the go-to teacher of my kids.
Sometimes I feel bad because it feels like I’ve “abandoned” my family in some way. Since I’ve moved to the basement of my new house, Jeff and I live in our own world. It’s a step towards independence since with our own floor, we actually learn to take turns doing chores. We have yet to really utilize our kitchen downstairs; it’s mostly just used for food storage. The other night at dinner, Dad expressed his disappointment with how the family started to dissipate after the move. In a way I agree with his point. I like to be grounded in my family too, and I like spending time with family. But part of growing up requires a little defiance and “learning of the hard way” to become independent. A lot of times I just tell myself that this is preparation for the day when I really step out into the world, which can be anytime soon. That in itself is already a scary thought.
I was talking to D.Lam today about when he first left QTEC. He had just graduated from high school and I just graduated middle school. It’s crazy to think about how much time has passed since then, and how quickly it all went by. There are many days when I wonder where that girl from 3 years ago was, and what she would think of me now. So much has changed within the 3 years, yet at the same time so much has remained the same. I feel like I spend a lot of times planning for and thinking about the future, while I’m really not doing much to make it happen. Who knows. It’s part of this learning experience called “letting go and letting God”.
When we were younger, we used to write “don’t ever change!’ in other people’s yearbooks. Three years later, I can say that I have changed, and hopefully for the better.