Savior, Please

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don’t know how long I’ll last

I try to be so tough but I’m just not strong enough
I can’t do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough but I’m nothing without Your love
Savior please keep saving me

I will probably regret staying up late tonight to work on Anatomy&phys when I’m sitting at work at 7:30AM tomorrow morning, but every time after I converse with my mom, I enter a 3-hour phase of reevaluating everything I’ve ever come to know. Everything just starts to fall under this giant umbrella of endless questions and inability to grasp and understand things. The biggest question I’ve been asking is just, “For what?” I feel like I endlessly beat myself into learning how to live faithfully, to not become overcome by materialistic need and to not be affected by others. Time and time I am reminded that as an immigrant family, I am not exempt from the struggles that we still face today. Secondly, as a part of a ministering family, we are called to store up treasures in heaven. This includes material, monetary, and intellectual wealth, among other things.

I am constantly struggling in this uphill battle with myself, for my physical well-being and for my faith. I’ve clung onto 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 with all my might, but there comes a time when you’re simply defeated by your own weaknesses. You tell yourself that life isn’t about grades, but you study with all your might for the 4.0, just to prove that you can; you tell yourself that in Christ there is freedom, yet you desperately cling into his hands, unwilling to get out of the boat and into the world; you tell yourself that our God is bigger than monetary issues, yet you drive yourself into a corner just looking at the numbers. You say that God has greater plans, yet when He “fails” to deliver on the prayers, your faith dies a little.

In all honesty, I’ve been waiting for years now, for the day when Christ will interfere with my life and say to me, “Child, you no longer have to toil on this ground. Come home with me.” And I will taste the sweetness and see the goodness of everything I’ve ever believed in to be true.

But until that day comes…

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You’re all that I have

Savior, please. 
Keep saving me.

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