My deepest and most painful wounds have all been a result of church ministries. For a better part of my life I have felt the emotional and mental torture and anger brought about by ministries and towards ministries. And honestly most of the time even towards God. About his sadistic ways of calling us to do His work, about how wrong we have been for choosing to obey.
But despite how my human instincts and defense mechanisms react, the ONE thing I always come back to is how much bull-freaking-crap Christ went through and still goes through to obey the Father’s will and mission, even death on a cross. And by that I shut my mouth and learn to bite my tongue til it bleeds and swallow my pride til I choke because I want to believe that His mission is bigger than my doubts and anger, I want to faithfully follow knowing that it is not in my time that any result will be produced.
Obedience by faith through grace
God I want to believe, but help my unbelief.