My deepest and most painful wounds have all been a result of church ministries. For a better part of my life I have felt the emotional and mental torture and anger brought about by ministries and towards ministries. And honestly most of the time even towards God. About his sadistic ways of calling us to do His work, about how wrong we have been for choosing to obey.
But despite how my human instincts and defense mechanisms react, the ONE thing I always come back to is how much bull-freaking-crap Christ went through and still goes through to obey the Father’s will and mission, even death on a cross. And by that I shut my mouth and learn to bite my tongue til it bleeds and swallow my pride til I choke because I want to believe that His mission is bigger than my doubts and anger, I want to faithfully follow knowing that it is not in my time that any result will be produced.
Obedience by faith through grace
God I want to believe, but help my unbelief.
Samantha M. Yu 
Humans just never learn. Always having to learn the hard way. Just reading through the old testaments shows how much humanity hasn’t changed at all. We constantly sin against God even though he’s gave clear commands. It is not wrong to be angry about something that also angers God. Sometimes it’s the wrong approach just to keep your mouth shut. We are called to die for our faith, It is when we question that allows us to truly seek God for the answers. If you don’t question God how will you get an answer from God? We are called to be stern in our faith and whatever is not pleasing in the eye of the Lord, there must be some sort of action to be taken. It may sound cliche that we all have roles to play but it is true. If one is called to battle and dive into the fray, don’t be idle while your comrades fall. There are those who are fighting for God, those who fight for themselves, and those who fight for the enemy. Seek God’s wisdom to allow you to discern what is right in the eyes of our Lord. When you realize who are the one’s that are truly fighting for God’s kingdom, the final question would be are you going to be fighting for God or not?
yep, cause the pain and suffering you’re going through is nothing in comparison. nor would anyone else in the world understand what you’re going through – He surely does.