Lost

The more I think with my head, the more things seem to make sense, but the less my heart is there. This is another one of those rants about the pressure college puts on me. I really wish I could start over, but we’re way past that. Throughout this whole ordeal, it’s becoming clear to me where I’m supposed to be headed in the long run, or at least I think I know. However, that’s not to say that I’m still feeling utterly lost and dazed about my imminent future. More and more these past couple of days, I find myself dwelling on opportunities not taken. While it’s easy for me to pick myself up and move on, the indisputable truth is that I will always have missed that chance.

One of the biggest things that I hate about myself is that I am not ambitious enough. I tend to settle when I start to realize how much effort I need to take only to gain so little. By managing to stay a little bit above average, I am content with my actions. Well, look at where that has led me…

It’s a little bit frustrating because it seems like I am getting answers from God but they don’t seem to resolve any of the real issues. The one thing that scares me is that I still have no direction and the end is closing in much sooner than I had anticipated. The other options aren’t that bad either, but I just can’t help but think, “Did I really do all that just to end up here?”

I used to feel so good about not knowing what the future brings; so what’s changed?

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