You’re probably thinking, “The heck? Did she just asked for more senioritis?” Well, yes and no. This actually has a lot more to do with refocusing our priorities. It’s strange, in the more recent days I feel like I know more people who have been plagued by the study bug than by senioritis. Since when was everyone so into the SATs and pulling all nighters during the first month of school? I took the liberty of journeying down memory lane again, and found myself admiring the Seekers leaders of ’09, again. After a long conversation with Austin, we saw what made them so great. For the most part, most of them had senioritis since September. Nowadays, students are so focused on doing well in school, on the SATs, working on college apps, and oh, did someone say something about reading the Bible and having a regular quiet time? Yea, my quiet time is done when I’m laying awake in bed with insomnia. WHAT? NO! I mean don’t get me wrong, God has called us to be students and we have to honor that. Academics is important, that I don’t deny. But is it important ENOUGH to start eating away your spiritual habits? How about what you think about at night when you’re lying awake in bed? Cause I know I’m not thinking about words like “clandestine” or “perspicacious” and how to use them in a conversation. In today’s sermon, Pastor Tim Chen talked about how until we want Him like we want to breathe, we don’t want God badly enough. Ouch. Because I know I haven’t wanted God badly enough. You?
The frustration started when I got a call from Pastor Doug to see if any of our leaders were attending the UYAI 40th Anniversary Benefit Reception. To be honest, I didn’t really want to go because I went to something similar last year, and ehh, it was alright. But after I got the call, I had a feeling that he’s only doing so because no one has responded to him, and that kind of makes me disappointed. I remember when Jae talked about how it gets frustrating when people don’t try. You bet it does! When were we informed about this? And how many of us are even giving half a damn about trying to make it; nevermind if we were able to or not, but how much effort was actually put in? I am totally guilty of not raising enough money for a ticket either, but I can’t possibly be the only one who feels bad that no one seems to be able to make it; I can’t possibly be the only one who feels like “Ok, now I HAVE to go”. It’s not an obligation, but we should all be feeling like we each have to pull our own weight because “no one else will do it”. If we all felt that way, then there would never be a “I have to because no one else will”. Otherwise, what is going to happen is, someone will try to cover all the grounds by him/herself. And this can be potentially dangerous. Pastor Alan: NO ONE DOES MINISTRY ALONE. So why do I find myself feeling like there’s ALWAYS someone who’s doing it alone? What happened to the team? Maybe this has to do with the fact that it’s still early in the year, and the Seniors are currently faced with a lot of different responsibilities. But like Austin said, you know it becomes too much when doing the simple things like devos or prayer or a Seekers meeting, or even a church meeting, becomes a burden to you. Why do we have to “fit” God, church, or Seekers into our schedule? God never asked for just 5 hours of fellowship time on Fridays&Sundays, and 2 hours during the week. I feel like that’s kind of a slap in the face to Him.
Well, you ask where I am in all of this? I am nowhere close to breaking a 2000 on my SATs because I haven’t focused that much in my studies; and I am nowhere close to hearing God’s every word for me. But for the longest time now, I have been feeling like all the battles are won, both in Seekers and in my own life. I don’t know which school I will end up in, but I feel that God has already prepared the way for me. And knowing in that fact alone helps me immensely. That’s not to say I have ignored the work, I still have to be the one to do all the applications and meet all the requirements. But none of that matters that much to me. A lot of times I find myself lost in the technicalities and planning for the future. But once I take a step back and remember how confident in the Lord I was, I feel relief. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. And I know that there IS going to be a future, and that it will be good. Isn’t that enough? I mean 8 months from now, what will all of this mean? We invest so much time into doing work and studying that we end up missing the point. Study FOR God. But don’t overdo it. God never asked us to achieve a 4.0 GPA for Him; He never asked us to write up 5 essays in a row so we can be accepted into an Ivy League school for Him. I know I could do much better in terms of academics and my goals, I know that. And what I’m choosing to do isn’t settling. You can’t call it settling when I know that what God has in store for me is enough to satisfy for the rest of my life. You can’t call it settling if I’m choosing to aim lower so I can spend more time in fellowship with the ONE THING I’ll ever need. I caught my fair share of Senioritis, please tell your immune system to take a break so you can rest (not laziness, REST).
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God